21 april 2000
desparately in love

They wrote us up in the Daily Bruin (UCLA newspaper) today. The article said that I am "desparately in love with Selva." News to me. I haven't been "desparately in love" with anyone in a while, and I don't know if I ever will be again. Makes my heart feel kind of empty writing that, but y'know, ya get hurt, you're lied to, and your trust is betrayed, and if it happens enough times, you lose a part of yourself. I really hope that hasn't happened to me. Read the article here.

Final practice tonight before tomorrow's gig. Workmanlike and professional, in a good way. We were saving our energy for the show. I rewrote the entire first verse of my new tune during my lunch break today, which I admit, in retrospect, was a risky move considering the first performance of the tune is tomorrow. But the new words are better, and I didn't wanna wait. I even threw the word "marguerite" in there in reference to the way "her smile" seemed from "across a busy street." On the way home, I realized that I couldn't stop at any of my usual places for food ... Passover is gonna kill my stomach, or my budget, or both. I wound up at the supermarket, where I wandered the aisles looking for "safe" food. The bread aisle never looked so appetizing. I wound up getting a box of matzoh, some ham, and provolone. Yep, ham 'n cheese sandwiches on matzoh. Hardly kosher, but at least I didn't eat bread.

I've got Fatboy Slim's "Praise You" going through my head right now. Cool tune, but I don't know why it just popped into my head.

I'm feeling down tonight. Lonely as usual. There's a big party going on about a block away. The voices are carrying through my bedroom window. Everyone sounds like they're having too much fun while I sit here, alone in bed, contemplating the comparative silence of my solitude. I'm jealous of the rest of the world, and yet I choose to do nothing but wallow in it.

I really hope I can fall "desparately in love" again. Someday.

Gonna go make me some tea and go to sleep.

21 april 1999: korporat politiks: I now understand what my boss said to me on the phone last week: "I'd rather be fired than have to fire someone." God, I understand that.

21 april 1998: fell ate yo!: ...the conversation turned towards blowjobs, and she asked me if I ever received one while I was driving. To which I replied in the affirmative, yes, it was a long time ago, in high school, and it was a very painful (um ... biting) experience.

[ swim back | email me | swim ahead ]