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03 may 2000
water on my mind Tired ... no, in reality, I'm exhausted, mentally as well as physically. Came home from work, ripped open a box of "Extra Large Lawn and Leaf Bags," and went through my bedroom like a madman. In the course of 45 minutes, I threw out three overstuffed bags worth of shit that's been accumulating in here for the past six years. Had I stopped to think about every item I was tossing out, to reminisce on the past, I would have been here for another month. As it stood, I was in a productive state of mind, and I'm down to just clothes and furniture now. All of the little schtuff that I'm keeping got put in my dresser drawers, two of which went into the trunk of the rent-a-car for tonight's trek to Malibu. On the way up, I stopped at Duke's where some of my ex-coworkers were meeting for drinks. I gulped down two Chi-Chis and drove the five minutes up PCH to my new place. Once unloaded, I went downstairs to the living room and tried to negotiate the home theater system. I'm normally very good with electronics, but it took me a good ten minutes to get a picture on the screen and sound out of all six speakers. So many components. A power amp, a digital surround sound processor, an LCD remote control with more switches on it than a Boeing 747 cockpit, and a subwoofer that's bigger than the amplifier I use on stage at gigs. The cumulative effect blew me away. It's a $30,000 system, I'm told, and it looks and sounds better than any movie theater I've ever been in. I found myself jumping at noises I heard from over my shoulder, coming from the rear speakers. I'm gonna be watching a lot of movies in this place. I shut off the home theater, and headed back up to my new bedroom. It was incredibly dark and quiet. The quiet is going to take some getting used to. Even with the window open, all I heard was the sound of crickets and surf. I'm hesitant to say I'll miss the hum of the city, but I probably will. Back downstairs, I had a smoke on the balcony, looking at the lights of Santa Monica across the bay in the distance. It took me seventeen minutes to get back to Venice, no traffic, obeying the speed limit. The room looks bare, and it feels empty, and compounded with the emotional silence of my new pad, it's strangely unsettling. I've finally reached that in-between point, where I have no home, and it's not the greatest feeling. Lonely and self-centering, with no-one to share. My brother called today and said he'd be happy to have me stay over during my impending trip to the east coast. It'll be nice to see them, and my niece of course, the little princess. I'm just a bit bummed that my parents will be in Scottsdale while I'm there. It's almost like we're swapping coasts for a couple of days. No news on the car yet. I'm reluctant to let my rental sit here unused while I'm in a completely different rent-a-car in New York City. I may just return it on Saturday, and re-rent on Wednesday. With any luck, my own car will be ready by then. Can't seem to write anything of susbstance tonite. I feel so incredibly humbled by my circumstance, it's almost making me numb. 03 may 1999: pink thing : "Pink Dot," obviously refers to a very pink-like and dot-like portion of the female anatomy. 03 may 1998: bracing myself : They're fun to watch, been married 48 years, honest and open, yet they don't even have to talk to communicate. No bullshit there, no obsession, just love and strength. They're a couple to learn a lot from.
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