Candlelit once more, within the midst of a personal blackout ill-imposed by my roommates' non-payment of the electric bill. I should be angry, but I'm not. Earlier this evening, I was downright giddy, but now, my heart is racing. Or maybe it's my mind. Or my soul.

Later today, I'll hand in my letter of resignation. I feel like I'm crazy, or stupid, or both. After so much time, thought, and talk, I'm finally deconstructing the true stabilities in my otherwise chaordic life. First the job, then the apartment. It's been so long since the future seemed so wide open, uncharted, and downright scary. So many questions going through my mind ... how will I make it

Kinda fell asleep up there, and I'm about to do the same again, as I so wredundantly rite it.

It was a draining day, mentally and emotionally if not physically. Gave 'em two weeks notice and was told to be cleared out by Friday. After 4 1/2 years. I must be insane ... or something. This is probably the most ballsy thing I've done in my life, so much risk involved, so many unknowns, or maybe not. Maybe I've just become more conservative, more cautious with age ... my perception is warped, or dead on ... or something.

I cannot think straight right now. That's what I told my mom earlier when she started bombarding me with questions, everything from health insurance to severance pay to moving ... it was enough for me to just lose it and say "CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE? ANYTHING? JUST NOT MY JOB OR MY LIVING SITUATION. I DON'T NEED YOU TO REMIND ME OF THE ENORMOUS RISK I'M TAKING HERE."

Risk.

Sometimes I wish it was just a board game.

Don't wanna talk about it. Don't wanna think about it.

Then why the fuck am I writing about it?