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21 september 2000
paralyzing fear Head to pillow, self-questioning commences. Why does the bedroom ceiling look like cottage cheese? Why is there a bra in your pile of dirty laundry? When are you going to finally move in, or move on? Why is home a storage facility for everything in your life that isn't you? Haven't you asked that question before? What are you so afraid of? Being unprepared for the unforeseen so that you overprepare yourself for fears unrealized? So afraid of being alone that you'll exist just to be with somebody? So afraid of being broke that you'll save every penny and forget to spend life? So afraid of never being loved that you'll embrace the first ego-boosting specimen that says the right words? So afraid of failure that you'll compromise your every chance of success? Insecurity abounds as long as fear reigns. You must embrace that which scares you, because within your fear lies the realization of yourself. Head to pillow, eyes close. 21 september 1999: : on a long hiatus 21 september 1998: : on a brief hiatus 21 september 1997: sleeping with the diary : The night is incredibly clear; from the beach at the end of the airport runways, we could see all the way to Malibu, over thirty miles. [ swim back | email me | swim ahead ] |
