05 october 2000
day four

in the calm i feel
there is still a restlessness
underneath it all
geeku by sari

The fires have started, and as a resident of Malibu, I'm hypersensitive.

There's a small blaze burning in Trancas Canyon, about two miles from here, plainly visible from our building. It seems to be getting bigger, and it's dangerously close to some houses. There are helicopters circling, and I hope they have it under control soon.

Under control ... ugh. I slipped last night. No, actually, it wasn't a slip, since no tobacco was involved; it was more a conscious effort to continue a band tradition: finish learning a song, share a joint, drink some cognac.

"Chuck, you gotta taste this ..."

"But I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anything for two weeks...."

"OK, so don't smoke it, just taste it."

So I tasted it. A tiny half-hit off the little joint, washed down with cognac. And I have to admit, it tasted really really good, probably a result of my own renewed ability to taste in general. Then Wamba came back in from his cigarette break and he fucking reeked and it killed the whole moment for me. A big question: did I really smell _that_ disgusting when I smoked? An obvious answer: yes, I did.

I smell _much_ better now, thank you very much.

Of course, last night's tiny exposure to the mary jane plant led me to stop on the way home for a giant order of chili-cheese fries from Johnnies Pastrami. I've been regretting it all morning.

Serious cramps hit me in my 9am meeting, and continued through my 10am, and then started to "loosen up," so to speak during my 11am, to the point where I was sprinting home at noon to the medicine cabinet.

I feel _much_ better now, thank you very much.

No real cravings today, probably because of the earlier stomach woes. I almost feel normal now. Almost but not quite.

Eventually I'll get there...

More band practice tonight, but first an afternoon of work, as they say... and here I am, just taking it one thought at a time..

05 october 1998: : on a brief hiatus

05 october 1997: writing it all down : My equinoxical rooftop autumn appreciation session was interrupted by the distant rattle of automatic gunfire.

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