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12 october 2000
what is it to think I had my first "smoke nightmare" last night. I remember them from the last time I tried to stop smoking, and these dreams are quite notorious among ex-smokers for creeping up at milestone moments, and generally right before a lapse, or moment of weakness ... ... as if that makes any sense. It's rather difficult to remember the details of the dream, aside from the fact that I lit a cigarette, smoked it, enjoyed it, smoked another one, and then another one, and then somehow realized I was supposed to be a non-smoker, panicked, and woke up with my heart pounding and my stomach in knots. And it took me a good five minutes to realize, in reality, that I hadn't smoked at all... There was no relief in that realization either. I wound up an hour late for work with a really bad stomach. The bad stomach I could blame on my parents, for "forcing me" to eat really bad pizza at 11:30pm because they think I'm too skinny. I guess I'm getting to that age where heartburn is an issue and I have to start cutting the late-night grease out of my diet. Or something like that ... anyway, someone emailed me a link to a study that says regular sex keeps people young. And I wonder why I'm feeling so old. Unless, of course, regular masturbation counts as an additional pathway to the so-called fountain of youth. Somehow, I doubt that regular masturbation counts as a pathway to anything but premature carpal tunnel syndrome, which would be wonderful for my organ playing, I could only imagine. Organ playing? I seem to be typing in circles here. By that, I meant, Hammond (tm) Organ, not the other thing. As for me, I think my subconscious has chosen celibacy for the rest of my life. I should prepare to grow very very old, very, very quickly. We watched a videotape of saturday's gig last night. Unbelievable. "amababa" (my silly pop song) never sounded better. It's weird to be watching my own band and enjoying it so much -- I'm normally much more self-critical. Either we're turning into a really good band or my self-critical nature is changing as I grow so old from lack of sex. Above: such is the view from my right shoulder as I work. Below: a rare bout of writing from Taos, in the middle of my year-ago hiatus. 12 october 1999: interlude : this afternoon I was cruising along Interstate 25 doing 85 in a shitty rent-a-car in a monotone landscape, and a lot of stuff just, well ... hit me.12 october 1998: : on a brief hiatus 12 october 1997: countdown to infinity : Today I was posed the question "If you had the entire world listening to you for ten seconds, what would you say?" [ swim back | email me | swim ahead ] |
