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25 october 2000
----- Something's happening, life is turning weird, too weird, or maybe it's just me going completely bonkers, caught in some warped state of metamorphosis, or "personal growth," and it's turning me into an asshole, someone I really don't like to be around. Add meanness and a short temper to the mix, and I almost feel like voluntarily shooting the chute to self-destruction. As it stands, I've been managing to systematically alienate all the people who are most important to me. I guess life just wouldn't be normal if I didn't destroy someone's weekend, evening, or most recently, morning with this weird whatever my mind seems to be spewing. I don't like it when I make people unhappy, or uncomfortable, and yet that's all I seem to be doing lately. Perhaps the best solution is to hide in a closet, or maybe sequester myself on a remote unpopulated island until this whole weirdness passes, if it will pass at all... Maybe it's just my mind trying to trick me into blaming all of this on quitting smoking, saying that if I go back to smoking, everything will return to normal and I'll be a nice person again. But then I don't feel like smoking now, and at the same time I will be happy to inhale a pack of death, just to make me less of an asshole. I don't like disliking myself. Ho-hum. The Roxy gig is tonight. Come one come all. No, you won't see me in a dress, and up there is the last picture I have of it, rotated 90 degrees for your displeasure, just because I _am_ a mean person, thank you. I'll leave with a cool experience from yesterday, which some have already read....
From: me@gfrblxt.com That's about as positive a note I can end on here... 25 october 1999: : on hiatus til december 25 october 1998: : on hiatus til november 25 october 1997: B-3 in a box : ... but first I need to put on some Jimmy Smith ... [ swim back | email me | swim ahead ] |
